Rider Strong (what a great porn name) from Boy Meets World, looking like he's about to suck a giant wang.
He looks like a total douche in this picture, but I'm thinking that this is a horror movie so either he'll die a horrible death or he'll do something badass that will earn my respect. Anyway, some random woodsman of the woods knocks on the door and needs some help because he's sick, but I think he really wanted to nail the chicks that were in there because lumberjacks are just badass like that. So they give him a blanket and send him on his way, but then some shit starts happening and the woodsman starts puking blood inside the truck that belonged to one of the cabin people. They eventually shoot his ass with the shotgun, and all start fearing that they're going to catch what was wrong with him, which was some sort of highly contagious flesh-eating microbe. The prospect of a deadly virus totally snagged me in, because for some reason I'm hooked whenever massive amounts of people die painful deaths from a disease. That's why I enjoyed the movie version of The Stand, not because of the showdown between good and evil but because a virus wiped out 99.9% of the population.
Some more stupid shit happens, but the next day Shawn is trying to finger his girlfriend but finds out that the flesh eating virus turned her thigh into a second vagina, so they lock her ass up in the barn so nobody else gets sick. Later on they realize they're all gonna die so Shawn starts nailing the other chick while his girlfriend is dying. At this point he's no longer a douche, but I still don't respect him.
But the stupidity of the movie is surely mounting. They call the cops, and they send out some dork that looks like his mustache is painted on, and all he can do is talk about partying like he's some desperate 15-year-old. Then, the other girl is walking around trying to find help, and out of nowhere the camera just zooms right up on her ass for no reason while she's walking. I don't mind seeing a great ass like that, but the zooming had absolutely no point besides showing off her excellent can. Then one of the jock-looking guys is at a convenience store trying to get help, and this autistic kid sitting on the swing jumps up, starts flipping out, and bites the jock. That made absolutely no sense either.
The movie makes you think it's going to kick ass again as the other girl dies, and Shawn goes on a killing spree, shooting and axing some rednecks that were chasing the jock. Then he goes and knocks off his girlfriend whose face was completely eaten away but was somehow still alive. That had a point, he could no longer bang her and she was ugly so he got rid of her. He then goes and finds that wuss cop and bludgeons him on the head for being such a pussy. After some more badness from my new favorite character from Boy Meets World (though I would still shag Tapenga in the later years), he ends up in a hospital half-dead from sickness and awesomeness. The hospital can't cure him, so the weenie cop with the painted-on mustache takes Shawn somewhere and murders him. And that's what pissed me off the most, he takes a character and has him kill lots of people and makes him a badass then he has him killed by the wussiest character in the movie.
This could have been one of the greatest all-time movies, but Eli Roth was a complete dumbass when he wrote this disaster. Luckily, he made up for it in Hostel.