So the other day I decided I should make use of a liquor store conveniently located a block from my house. It seems like a good idea to be able to stumble somewhere and be able to buy basic alcohol like Parrot Bay, right? I walked up there, and there were four bums loitering outside the place. Their faces lit up when I made my appearance. They all tried to approach me, but I ignored them as all I need is Parrot Bay.
So I walk into the store, and the place is a dump. The store itself is behind bars and reinforced glass, and the customer area is confined to a corridor about 10 feet long and 4 feet wide. I guess they never planned on having more than one customer at a time. To make matters worse, there are already two bums inside, one of them in a wheelchair. I'll get to that fellow in a second.
The non-handicapped bum asked me for money before I could even tell the clerk what I needed. I told him no and quickly ignored him. I started to ask the clerk if he had Parrot Bay, to which he gave me a look like I was crazy. I told him it was a coconut rum made by Captain Morgan, so he goes into the back to check.
While this conversation is going on, the bum in a wheelchair keeps trying to interrupt me with either a "Hi, how's it going," or "I know what liquor you're talking about." Once the clerk leaves, the bum tries to ask me how it's going again. I turn to him, look him in the eye, and tell him I make minimum wage and don't have money. His response? "Well damn, I wasn't going to ask you for money!" Let me get this straight, you're in a wheelchair, looking and smelling like ass, hanging out in a liquor store, and you weren't going to ask me for money? I'm sure that your "rich" ass has nothing better to do than hang out in a shitty liquor store.
Speaking of the store being shitty, the clerk comes back with a dusty bottle of Captain Morgan dark rum. So not only does he not know what Parrot Bay is, but they don't even keep any on stock? With the wheelchair bum and a couple other ones harassing me, and the clerk being a moron working for a shitty store, I decide to leave. I shoot a bird at the bums trying to follow me. Did I worry about a beatdown? Nah, if they were ambitious then they wouldn't be bums.
I hate bums. Hey, it sucks that you're homeless, but I'm working two shitty jobs making just enough money for rent and my car. Don't ask me for money while I'm on a college campus, because college students don't have money jackasses. Don't ask me for money while I'm delivering pizza in an alley at 2am on a Friday night. If I had money, I wouldn't be there.
Bums probably wouldn't have such a negative image if they weren't assholes. The aggressive ones deserved to be kicked in the face.
Bum: "Give me some money."
Me: "I'm broke."
Bum: "You ain't broke, liar."
Tell me that didn't get your size 15 shoe nice and ready for an ass-kicking. The aggressive bum in a wheelchair had a bad strategy. Now, I'm never going back to that liquor store, telling all my locals to avoid it, petitioning the revitalization folks/local government to close it down, and if I see his ass wheeling down my sidewalk, I'm going to push him over. I say that because I seriously doubt he was confined to a wheelchair, and dollars to donuts he would get on his feet and try to fight me, in which case I'd knock him out and bludgeon him with his own wheelchair.
Back to find more violence to counteract the sick happiness of the holidays...