Public Service Announcement: Beware of the Liargirl.
So what is a liargirl? It's a word I made up, so put down your dictionary. A liargirl is a former Miss Thang who is spoiled rotten by everyone her entire life. She is usually pretty hot, but eventually the world around her gets tired of kissing her ass. She finds herself with a shitty career, a loser boyfriend, and still living at home in her early to mid 20's. Life is so hard on the poor girl, so whenever she feels down on herself or doesn't have all the attention she wants, she stalks the internet and throws herself at the first guy that shows her any attention. Of course, she hasn't lost all her hotness in her pathetic state, so there are always lots of guys that will take the bait. She leads the guy on and makes herself out to be the perfect woman. For example, she'll ask what your favorite food is, you reply with "3-day old sushi chock full of mold" and she'll say either "me too!" or "Sounds good, we should try it once we recover from the sex." She promises the sun and the moon but will leave you without a sound once she gets her way in the real world.
How do I know so much about the life of the liargirl? Because I've fallen for the same trick three times this year with two girls. What can I say, my IQ drops to zero when boobs are involved. Also, I can claim that I'm a genius 90% of the time and a dumbass the other 10%, while most of the world has minimal brain activity 100% of the time, so get off my ass. Unlike other satirists out there, I will admit to acts of stupidity, and I can say that if any of my rival writers say that they are perfect in every way, don't believe the hype.
I fell for the trick once, thinking "Man after all the horrible women I've dated, I've finally hit the jackpot." I got burned and believed her excuse of her uncle being hospitalized and her not being able to fulfill the plan of coming over for the weekend. So I forgave her, only to be burned again and for her to disappear for 3 months. Now I'm thinking "It's official, she's a psycho," until I fall for it again a few weeks ago with a completely different girl, one I've actually known for years. Different girl, but same exact trick.
How can you defend yourself against this type of girl? Just keep these translations in mind when you start talking to a suspected liargirl.
She says: "I've been waiting my whole life for you."
Translation: "Thank God that I only had to spend 15 minutes looking for a guy like you to fall for me."
She says: "I love you and will never leave you…"
Translation: "….until my boyfriend apologizes to me and my dad buys me a new car."
She says: "Okay I'm coming to see you right now…."
Translation: "……but only after stopping in another city to meet up with someone else that I've hooked. If the sex is bad then I'll see you afterwards."
She says: "I would do anything for you."
Translation: "I would do anything to get you to believe any of the shit coming out of my mouth."
She says: "You're such an improvement over my last boyfriend…."
Translation: "You would be an improvement over my current boyfriend, and if I wasn't such a coward and so afraid of being without anybody, I'd be with you right now."
She says: "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Translation: "I want to spend the next hour fantasizing what life would be like with you since my life here is so horrible, wah wah wah."
She says: "You're my soulmate."
Translation: "You're such an idiot."
That's all for now. Just remember, if someone online is hitting on you and appears to be a total hottie, run away.
Back to other worthless advice for people who go online to play pool but end up with a girlfriend...