So for those of you who live in the area or watch ESPN at all, Columbus, GA’s Little League team has won the U.S. championship and will be playing for the world championship tonight (Update: They won the world championship). This is an amazing accomplishment which means…absolutely nothing. Being good at Little League means jack, because you still have another 10 years to grow and you may lose or gain athletic ability on the way. And I would even go so far as to say that winning at the national level in Little League does not make you better enough at sports to go pro one day. How many pro baseball players have ever seen the Little League World Series, or even know where and when it is played. How many even care?
Sure, it teaches kids teamwork, coordination, and all that mushy stuff, but it also gives them the idea that they will grow up to be professional athletes, causing them to neglect education and acquiring skills in order to work harder at sports only to hit a wall at some point. Kids have better chances of earning a doctoral degree than going pro in any sport, and failing at sports means you may have to rely on far-neglected intellect. Even worse, if you can’t play sports at a high level, you may even have to develop job skills and go to work. Not many jobs will care that you can throw a curveball or that you’re a switch hitter. On top of that, these kids have so far missed 2 weeks of school because of this tournament. Good job guys, send the message that school should take a backseat to baseball. This lesson will get them really far in life.
Have you ever heard of grown men reliving their glory days in Little League? They’ll tell stories of how they struck out 10 batters in one game or broke the record for homeruns when the fences are like 200 feet from the plate. Then when you ask them “If you were so excellent, why did you stop?” they’ll counter with some lameass excuse. Torn ACL, wah wah wah. One time I tore an ACL playing basketball, and the very next day I gave the Sweet Chin Music (standing sidekick to the chin for the wrestling illiterate) to the guy that caused the tear, with my bad fucking leg. I then delivered a knee drop and put the Figure Four on him, tearing his ACL and making him cry like a little bitch. My life and a Ric Flair wrestling match blur together sometimes.
What’s worse about Little League is that it’s the only way shitty small towns will ever get name recognition outside of their state, and this gets people off. Newspapers, TV stations, and radio all buy into the hype that this actually means something, and that the town will somehow become famous. The hype is so bad that the local movie theaters pulled one of their movies to show highlights and live games of the Little League team. The movie that was pulled? Clerks 2. I kid you not, one of the greatest movies of the decade was pulled from theaters in order to show 10-year-olds playing baseball.
Fucking Little League. Those kids can’t hit my fastball, and I’d hit nothing but homeruns off of them. I’m awesome.
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