It's trendy to hate The Simpsons.
The Ipod. Fallout Boy. Scion cars. Napoleon Dynamite. Hating the Simpsons. What do these things have in common? They are all shitty trends celebrated by dunces, and anybody who partakes in them deserves my size 15 up their ass.
It's chic these days to go around saying how much you dislike the Simpsons. Nevermind the fact that they are still one of the top 5 shows on television, you have to be a non-conformist rebel and say how much the Simpsons suck while sucking the collective dick of Family Guy, Arrested Development, and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. "Ooh, look how badass I am, the Simpsons sux0rs, goooosh…" This is being said while sipping on a Red Bull and driving a Scion XA that is about to fall apart because it is essentially a Honda reject.
I have nothing against Family Guy. It's as funny as the Simpsons, so therefore you if you blast the Simpsons, you are blasting Family Guy as well. But Arrested Development just isn't funny, and Aqua Teen Hunger Force is the dumbest idea ever. Ooh, a fucking combo meal going around having adventures? Look, it's a milkshake talking on a cell phone and a fucking hamburger patty rolling around talking but nobody can understand it. Give them an Emmy already.
These are the most common "The Simpsons sucks" complaints:
"The writing sucks." Of course, if you ask these people to name two of the writers on staff, or to ask which departing writer lead to the show's supposed downfall, you get the catfish look on their face (mouth gaping open ready to eat dirt). And since when is a plot supposed to be funny? Seinfeld went off the air years ago kiddies.
"They're running out of ideas." Yeah they sure are. I mean, nevermind the fact that Arrested Development is always a bunch of dumbasses standing around talking and being annoying, or that half of the shows out there are forensics shows in which the same people get killed in the same way every fucking week, or that the reality show craze is still with us, or that NBC has picked up Sunday night football for the sole purpose of having one less primetime lineup to worry about, or that there are about 10 different versions of Law & Order that are on about 20 different channels, THE SIMPSONS are running out of ideas. Newsflash, television as a whole is running out of ideas, and if anything, The Simpsons are the least guilty of the whole bunch. Also, it seems that nobody understands what a running gag is any more.
And finally, "They've been around for too long, so they need to be cancelled." Wow, what great logic. You know that dusty old Constitution that's been around for 230 years? Let's just get rid of it, free speech, illegal search and seizure, and equal protection under the law are overrated anyway. Your parents have been around since before you were born, so why don't you get rid of them while you're at it? Your house may be paid for and you are living rent-free, but it's old so just demolish it and build a new one so you can have another mortgage for 30 years.
What pisses me off the most is that the same people who bitch about The Simpsons still being on the air will pitch a fit if and when Family Guy, Arrested Development, or Aqua Teen Hunger Force (and any stoner who abbreviates it ATHF needs to be kicked in the crotch repeatedly) get cancelled. Now Arrested Development and the combo meal show should be cancelled because they suck, but what about Family Guy? Do you expect me to sit here and watch as they stay on the air for another 10+ years and become the new scapegoat for the next generation of mouth-breathers? Fuck that, the show is too great for it to turn into The Simpsons in 2016. So with that in mind, I propose that Fox recancels Family Guy so that it will stay great forever and never have its good name tarnished by the next group of hipster wannabe 20-somethings.
Back to how I watch too much tv...