Columbus, GA vs. A Tornado

Still feeling the high from their Little League World Championship, the Columbus, GA Little League team could not answer a challenge scarier than 10-year-olds from Japan or a 26-year-old from Atlanta. A tornado came to town and shut out the little league team 3162462513524 to 0.

All jokes aside, the north side of Columbus was pwned by an F3 tornado a few days ago. Nobody died, and there were a few minor injuries, but a shitload of property destruction. Normally I'm against property destruction since the only people who applaud it are those that don't own anything, but the property more than likely belonged to assholes who listen to Michael Bolton and drive 10 mph below the speed limit on a regular basis.

Bob Smash has referred to the tornado (or tornadoes since there are conflicting reports as to how many touched down) as the tax tornadoes, as they hit the rich part of town that can afford to take the hit. More than likely these people had insurance on their assets, so this won't be as annoying as the weekly reports of ghettos catching fire and people crying on TV because they were too dumb to have renters' insurance.

All I can do is laugh, especially at Green Island Hills, which was hit pretty hard. When those assholes would order pizza, I'd have to drive 20 minutes on curvy-as-fuck roads going 20 mph, braking at random ducks that decide to cross the street because if I ran them over, some gay AFLAC fan would start yelling at me, to a million dollar mansion on a lake, only to get a one dollar tip and drive all that way back. No, you won't get any pity out of me that your roof is in your front yard. Go order some pizza, you sorry fucks.

While it has been scientifically proven that tornadoes are drawn to trailer parks, there were no trailer parks hit by this set of tornadoes. But these contractor trailers were demolished, and it serves them right for trying to build something in a town as shitty as Columbus.


The Spectrum gas station has been reduced to rubble, and I’m glad. After staying up all night on a 10-hour flight from Ireland, 2 hours in customs, and a 2 hour shuttle ride to get back to my vehicle, I went to this Spectrum to buy a lighter because I was tired as fuck and wanted a cigarette but didn't have anything to light it with. The bitch tried to card me for BUYING A LIGHTER. Hopefully she was inside as her place of employment got pwned.


"Honey, we're under a severe thunderstorm watch and a tornado warning, and there's a loud ass siren going off. Let's grab the kids and go to Spectrum to get cigarettes." GGA.



A whole wall of Eckerd's Pharmacy was taken out. Eckerd's thought it would provide convenience to Columbus residents who have colds, backaches, and herpes flare-ups, but now they've lost the building and all of their inventory. You assholes should have just let Columbus people suffer instead of trying to help them.


Somebody should steal me this sign just so I can say that my living room is Highway 27.


Couldn't have said it better myself, Homeland Security Dude. By the way, what do tornadoes have to do with homeland security? Nothing, they just don't want to feel like they're wasting our tax dollars like 99% of government functions.




The tornado did the public a huge favor by destroying McDonald's. Now the thousands of dumbasses that go there to get shitty food every day will have to go next door to Burger King, or, God forbid, learn how to cook. I'll bet you the bastards tried to stay open while they were getting their shit ruined. Shards of glass and bits of concrete went unnoticed by the customers that braved death to get a Big Mac and a Diet Coke for their fat ass.


These are the remains of a billboard right above the Spectrum, and I believe it was congratulating the little league team on their world championship. Yeah they think they're a bunch of badasses, but I'll bet you every member of that "championship" team was hiding under their desks with their heads between their legs like little girls. True champions are out there kicking the tornado's ass. Shit, if there was a billboard out there declaring how awesome I was and some bitchass tornado came along trying to destroy it, I'd be in the middle of that tornado choking it out. As a matter of fact, here is proof that I don't give a fuck, a tornado is not going to stop me from being awesome.


Once we realized the tornado was behind us, we did a U-turn and went after it and punked it down. Columbus runs from tornadoes, and I go tubing. Nonz > Columbus.

Special thanks to Adam Warren for providing the photos.

Back to find other ways to pwn Columbus...